DEE-DoubleU!!! -swoons.
hurhurhur now IAC = I 'Ave eyeCANDY!
Sigh, too bad im not officially in his class ):
BUT
I have written him an email!
Not love letter la you people who think that that's the only thing i can do when my hormones are sent a-raging when i see hotties. Bwahaha.
Wrote an email to ask him to request i be placed in his class instead.
-crosses fingers and toes. hope its feasible!
anyhow, JOYCE &LOLO ARE COMING DOWN TO NP TO HAVE LUNCH WIT ME!!
HOOOYEAHHH!! IM SOOOO happy! Cant Wait!!
yay finished my writcomm essay - write a paragraph on how to write a good paragraph.
hah. quite satisfied with it though.

ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

Extroverted (E) 65% Introverted (I) 35%
Sensing (S) 55% Intuitive (N) 45%
Thinking (T) 50% Feeling (F) 50%
Perceiving (P) 58.54% Judging (J) 41.46%

.see, im a BALANCED person! yeah man lol.

IAC people in DeeW's class: Take THIS test instead. its more accurate (more qns wat! heh). Find Myers-Briggs-Jung Test => short test (54qns)

Char*_ OK! loveya too but hey dont hafta tell the whole world 3 times! HEH.

Radio production's Great.
i am quite sure that's the route i wanna take...
still leaving my options open though.
but sigh, my mouth just cannot keep shut during classes (again) la.
I responded quite abit (no surprise), and now im wondering if im gonna get bitched about.
as usual, as always, ab ovo.
Just a random thought, but i guess i shouldnt really care. (:

Blew 20+ bucks on 5files + stationery, and a small notebook which costs more than my bigger notebook.
-.-
Im surprising myself by taking my work seriously! my goodness. Filing's something which ive Never done. But im gonna do that.. -puts on a determined face.
hope this aint one of the many things i always strive to achieve whenever i start a new term/semester, but duh i never manage to keep to it. grr.

Many choices i have made, which i sometimes regret.
yet i wonder how things would have been like had i done otherwise.
i hold my future in my hands; yet i ruin myself with that very same pair of hands.
whee.
i will live a day at a time..
God keep me.

im backk again!!
hahahahahha i absolutely enjoyed myself today!
went to pak pool wit godpa and then wenyao,
then dinner and More pool Billiards wit papa!!
Played well eh, we both did? :DD
Today was Wonderful. (:

Thanks for being great company, Char Kesh Gwen & erm, ian!
Yes, i HAVE recovered from the friendster thing, and ahem DISCLAIMER!!

i DID NOT SCREAM CAN!

erm well, i erh, Squealed CAN.
Haha Char has caught onto my 'can' syndrome.

Not gonna be discreet anymore, but
I WILL STRIVE TO TOP RAy-DEE-O JournalismProduktion.
YEAH.
i want my Scholarship, NewYork Uni here i come!!

-drags beni back to Smelly earth.

tomorrow's sch at 3pm...RADIO JOURNALISM! will be shaking my leg at home first, argh.
Clear table! yeah.
dammit gotta get my password from the Student centre. Tabuleh tahan alr, mom keeps bugging me abt the timetable. grr.
OK. Nite ppleeee!

LoLo_ hahaha ok la, it was not so bad... u dont so sian half half leh can! :( all the best for ur tests k???? -BigHugs.
kw_ dont worry la...just do ur best! kick ur coursemate's asses and show them what ure made of man. (:

edit_ oh yeah. i saw mark zee at the canteen! staff area. somehow he gives me the feeling that he's out to attract attention...he was sitting with his face facing the whole canteen can! bleah. ok la, but he's quite cute la honestly. bleah again.

in my LT now, lecture's almost over!
this whole place is wireless lan, excellent connection.
bad...i must keep my laptop shut if not it would be rather distracting eh, heh.
shiok lecturers! happening! hahahah im rather impressed &glad that i did not make the wrong choice for now... ohwell.

thanks Lolo! -sniffs.
dammit i missyer damn lots man..
but my new friends are fine. Whee.
im gonna enjoy myself to the Max!! ((:

To the cutest &prettiest little girl ive ever known
To the girl whom is so endearing, she makes me feel bad everytime i bully her
To the sweetest fiesty independent little woman
To the baby of the family

HAPPY 11th, Bennie!!

Just came back from Black pepper crabs at MacPherson.
Wanted to go to a famous Joo Chiat one, but the queue was so long that i was afraid by the time we managed to even get a seat, her birthday would be over.
ahwell. Had a great dinner and family bonding time anyway.
Havent bought anything for her yet...oops.
Will get her a pair of Tevas i think.
Argh i need to get more stuff!!
bottoms, bag, shoes. argh.

NEW TEMPLATE! No more orange-overdose, but there's STILL some orange! i quite like this, esp the flower (:
Copied paste the links till i almost went crazy. But nvm, test of patience, heh.

Today's sunday school was another sharing on lock-in nite. Another meaningful session.
Service was totally screwed though- all the ruddy hymns no one knew,
Mr.Chairman himself (no prizes guessing who) also didnt know how to. Cos it wasnt he who prepared singspiration. -rolls eyes.
And he should know that the 11.30 service caters to the YOUNGER generations! My goodness! Can someone just wake up his idea?!
NEVERMIND. -goes into lotus position- patienceee. Im worshipping GOD afterall. Shant let him hinder my worship...gah.

WAh. my table's in a Total Mess. Even i cant stand the sight of it alr. Better do sth about it tml, but ahwell i believe i will procrastinate as usual. bah.

Anw, sch starts 8am on Mondays, 3pm-5pm on Tues. Somemore its Radio! YAY! 10am on Wed &Thurs, 11am on Fri.
Wah. i think i love my timetable alr, though i guess its abit early to tell.
tomorrow's the first day. i wonder how it'll go....

=|

me, that peccant loser.

Latest, 10:02pm: Lydia Lau has been hospitalized for dengue fever. please pray for her!!! ):

B	Brainy
E	Energetic
N	Noisy
I	Influential
T	Tame
A	Appreciative

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

Im. taME?! Hell YEAH. Im as tame as your grandmama's dog which chews up all her knickers. Whee! LOL -_-;

being void of sleep for the past 2 days has made me delirious.
ok, i did manage to catch 40winks, but im still super tired, argh.
K.O.ed the moment i reached home at 8.15am.
didnt join the rest for breakfast cos i really couldnt make it already.
woke up not too long ago! whee.
eyes still freaking dry, and i just realised that no one's at home and i havent eaten 3 meals.

anyhow, these 2 days have affected me quite abit.
the reaction towards our Underground Church game i see from the older ones as compared to the younger ones are very different. Naturally it'd be as such due to the mentality differences, but i was very touched when i heard a sec1 boy singing 'God is so good' under his breath though he was sobbing and shaking,blindfolded,hands bound behind his back and being 'tortured' mentally and physically with what i chrisitianed 'jimmy', the chicken feet(s) and whatnots. heh. The older ones were much more serious during the game. Many were crying/sobbing during the lock up. It touched me that they were taking it seriously- that told me that the game was achieving its intendment.
But honestly, i was rather apprehensive towards the game initially cos i did not like the idea of 'torture', especially if i knew that person on a personal level. furthermore, i didnt want the process to backfire either. yet i knew that the game's positive impact will really make a difference, and i wanted people to realise our good fortune; to be able to worship God openly, without the fear of being persecuted and ostracized.
Taking our freedom of religion for granted is the one mistake, being a so-called 'Christian-at-birth' (though i personally disagree with this term), always commits. We seldom remember the fact that we are to face persecution for our faith due to the religious freedom we have. Like what Rose said, currently we may not be persecuted the literal torture-method, but every time we get mocked at for standing up to our beliefs; not joining in the worldly ways- it already is a form of persecution.
I thank God that it all went well, and it was, by God's grace, that the game did leave a positive impact afterall.
I just hope that when the time comes, should we be facing a gun barrel between our eyes, should we have all sorts of threats impeded on us, we can still stand up and say firmly: 'I AM a Christian. Its so easy to say all these now in the comfort of our own home, but how many can actually say that in the face of adversity? Surviving our faith is no small feat. We can only keep firm in our faith now by constantly striving to grow in the Lord.
Also, being a team leader wasnt an easy task for me, and still isnt. Especially when im one of the youngest TLs/members for the 2nd night. I felt a little doubtful and embarrassed to lead the older people due to my age and inexperience. But i prayed for God to guide my speech, thoughts and actions. I then knew that im not doing all these on my own strengths, so my insecurities faded after awhile.
And try playing 'hardcore' drumming songs at 5.30am in the morning after 40hrs of sleeplessness- its no joke! snoozed abit in between the free time in the synthesizer case, and they almost didnt have a drummer for the last worship cos they couldnt find me, had i not heard someone calling my name. i was totally off timing for a couple of songs, but i guess no one really cared cos no one was awake enough to realise. hurhur. The longest period of time ive ever gone without sleep..BEH tahan ah!

Many thanks once again, to Pastor Wesley and all those who helped out for Lock-in Nite 2004! Without your help, this impact wouldnt have been realised. Thank God.

Ok, im freaking hungry now. And my mom hasnt come back wit my food. its almost 10.30 alr! gah. And beni hasnt bathed for 20hrs either.
Been a wonderful/fun/enjoyable/thought-provoking/tiring 2 days. (:

Your Husband Generator by Lady_Galadriel
Name
Your Husband Is
You Met	at a stag party
You Have	5 children
You Live	USA
In	a normal semi-detached house
You And Your Partner Are Best Known For	your rude outbursts
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

OOOohhhh yeah, baby.
eat yer heart out, girls! LOL

i have a weird life.
full of fun &laughter; yet a certain emptiness, not adrenaline- leaves me gasping for breath.
wonderful friends; yet most of the time i fend for myself alone.
im a fortunate person; yet jeremiad is the word to describe this life of mine.
it is as real as it is; yet it isnt without a facade.

schizoprenia seizes me still.
i find myself looking at me from afar in distaste- i hate that weakness.
yet i cant help it.
i cant even help myself; who am i to help others?
sometimes i wonder, who i actually am.
prevalent (enough) visage, yet all broken inside.
or what? what exactly........

ok, better snap out of benita-the-depressed-state.
im lying to myself, but what can i do?
nothing.
but to live life as per normal.
what is normal?
i'm suddenly unsure of what is normal.

ohwell.
just cant wait to live my paradisiac eternal life.

Im.
BACK!

hurhurhur. it feels damn good to be back in Sg actually.
But i totally enjoyed myself in the camp!
great place, great food, great service, great company, great speakers, great music! heh.
i was injury laden again no thanks to the sports but thank God i didnt sprain my bassdrum kicking leg.
anyhow, thank God that i could still play my drums for 4 days running.
Im aching all over, gah.
super tired too..this camp really shagged me out man.
i feel old =
Speaking of which, i realised that we are So wrong if we claim that the older generation have 'no life'.
Our church members are happening sia!!
You could see the members play billiard like 'old birds',
play squash, tennis, &bowl better than youths,
know damn lots about cars, change cars like change underwear etc.
it was a wonderful experience (:

i will definitely go for next years'!
oh darn. its once every 2 years only, sian.
edited23:15 alright, next up is lock in night this tues wed nite for the 13-15age grp &wed thurs nite (sec4 and above)
lock in nite's from 8pm-8am, so that means i gotta rush for the ruddy orientation on wed thurs morning.
And there will be a ruddy treasure hunt. Im not going for that! Gah.
Shall go collect my timetable and run off.
cannot la! will die can!

shall go nap now. exhausted man.
Whee!

bought my jeans, swimsuit, 2 tops, adidas shirt for bro, slippers.
mission accomplished..
A woman can never have enough clothes/shoes/watever!
heh.
Im off to Sofitel Palm Resort in M'sia for church camp for the next 4 days...
so dont miss me!

gotta pack and eat my dinner now.
gah.

dont miss me!

ho ho ho.
its off to shopping i go!
wheeeee.

much awaited retail therapyyyyyyy -goes into a trance.

hopefully my shopping block wont hit this time.
i never can seem to find stuff i like, bah.

Aim of the day:
1. Levis
2. Swimsuit (yah la.)
3. skirts
4. Tops

ho ho ho.
its off to shopping i go!
wheeeee!

past
everyone has a past.
a deep dark secret of themselves they never will reveal,
even to the closest person possible to them.
but that feeling of discovering that dark, shocking secret of someone you'd never expect to have..repulsion naturally occurs within.
like it or not, the existing opinion of that person changes somehow.. and one gets torn between the loyalty &trust of a friend and disgust &betrayal.
And you start wondering how you're gonna face that person the next time you talk to him/her.
Behave normally? Let disgust show through? Be cold and distant?

How, then, should a real friend react?
Ignore the past, pray continually for that friend, that he/she will change for the better and accept the facts?
even though the resentment is there, the shock still registering and dealing a stinging blow deep down in your heart.
And you're afraid that you may fall into the same trap or suffer the consequences if there be any, should you keep that mask on the person's face.
or
You ostracize that person, hate, and severe all ties you once had.
Breaking that once unspoken promise of friendship;
just because you cant accept the fact of that person's past, be it done in a moment of folly or not.

Insecurities have welled up, and you wonder if you should continue to hold that trust just because of the other party's still-existant trust in you.
And what if you were wrong? What if that person has changed for the better or the rumours werent true?
Then you'll feel unsurmountable guilt for letting your faith in that person waver, and feel ashamed for aiding in the backstabbing or simply cos you'd failed as a friend yourself.
But yet, that aversion of that person is inevitable. you feel weird trying to behave as though nothing ever happened; you didnt know anything. And yet you cant hide the fact that you do know.

'hen3 nan2 zuo4 ren2' - loosely translated as 'very hard to be a human' -
is so true.
How does one be a 'human', a perfect one at that?
a pure at heart, unselfish, unconditionally loving, perfect human?
No one can, and no one is. All of us have the original sin...
Its also virtually impossible to live sinlessly, or without having the natural protective instinct, in order to survive in this world.

sin helps us survive on earth.

But yet, the ultimate survival comes from God.
Amen.

Work's out! yay!
its weird though that i keep thinking that i have work tml..
ohwell.
Watched Harry Potter last night.
I dont blame them for chopping off/re-writing parts of the book actually.
There's too much details in the book to squeeze into a 2 1/2hr movie.
And the bad thing about this 3rd book is that the details do matter; its the details which are the pieces which fit the whole puzzle into place, so its hard la.
Screenplay was different from the previous movies due to a director change..
and the reverse time scene was a tricky part, so i just closed one eye to the positioning errors during that scene.
The show didnt really climax all that well either. I was left with an slightly empty feeling after the show....
Furthermore,i started wondering about the time during the show. Good shows dont let me do that, heh.
Overall: Cons- Few laughs, slightly over-the-top acting at times, intepretation errors, rushed storyline(no choice i guess).
Pros- Great cinematography, credit for making a movie out of a difficult book to film.
Oh no, this seems like the show has more cons than pros!
Aiyah, i guess Harry Potter fans/readers gotta just sit back and enjoy the screenplay of the book, cos it aint easy la actually. Like i said, give credit for the effort..heck the detail change/errors. Damn, we paid to enjoy!
So here's my two cent's worth.
Benita's Overall rating: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- 3 of 5 stars.

tomorrow's the LAST DAY!
and Pay Day too!

im sooo happy...
now's to spend time with the ones i love again.
missed them so. (:

Anw, the good thing about the electronic drumset which, till now i still loathe,
is that i can smoke through all the ruddy fill-ins
Only to have the ruddy cymbals tua me occasionally when i whack it.
i want a REAL one!!
grr.

Practice was one word: SHIOK.
its been a loooong time since we had a full band..
Post practice was the major shiok factor actually.
me(drums) jeff(piano) dom(guitar) &roy(bass) jammed the chapel(house la) down after prac!
roy left after awhile, then i went to the mike to erm, be a poseur ):
it was imitation night for me...
repertoire included michael buble, josh groban, whitney houston, macy gray blah &erm, fantasia barrino. my poor throat...but i simply looooove imitating singers la. so fun!
and ok la kudos to jeff papa's irritatingly zai talent for picking up of the ruddy chords on the piano, (you owe me one! heh.)
it was freaking fun, shiok & fun &shiok!
argh.
then was the surprise bday celebration for jeremy.

Happy 19th (correct?) again, Jer! (:

we waited at the bus stop for him, as he got off we sang a birthday song with joan's famous brownies a la cake waiting for him.
he was about to cry i swear, but i cant swear.
it was back to church for more erm, solo jamming by me.
shall not elaborate alr, but wheeeeee!!

tonight's prac was the Fun-est prac ever.
cant wait for more jammmmmin' man!
ooh. tml's more jamming.
but will only be me dom and jeff.
neh mind! can do liao! wheeee again!

eyes still slightly swollen, couldnt go visit band today, sigh.
Feeling better overall though, thanks sofy weijia xb and ahem, taipanjue fer your concern! (:

Finished the book! i have one new author to look out for now yay.
His style of writing is something similar to that of mine- not too lengthy;clear &concise sentences that which require little explanation to bring out the full meaning.
Not that i can write as well as an author who can publish books, but yeah. i like his writing style, heh.
The story was well developed, well explained without sounding like a bio textbook so kudos for not leaving me hanging in space after a bombardment of alien medical speak.
Not the average thriller which plot twists are many many twistier than The Colussus, and yet it doesnt reveal the sub-plots insipidly.
Learnt abit more on human nature too, and how psychologists explain human behaviour..useful to apply to my own observation theories now. hurhur.
However i still am rather skeptical to find a story where a person who is one helluva observer/thinker, friggin smart and logical. his portrayal is that of one too self-controlled; too perfect. his flaws are almost unseen of in the story. Or perhaps its because he's the narrator afterall, and his thoughts are dictated to keep us on track of what's going on in the story...so ohwell.
Damn satisfying, the feeling i get after finishing a good book. heh.
Michael Crichton- Prey: 3/5 stars.

laptop's a-coming, whee!

edited 21:39 -heeeeeeeeeelllllllooooooooo! best piece of technology ive ever laid my hands on. whee! i simply love it man. fast, stylo, and all my musiks on it! wooo!`

eyes started puffing up 2hrs after medication this afternoon.
At first i thought that those 'insect-bite like' puffing was due to my bro's dirty bug-infested bed (k i assumed la) which i was lying on, reading Michael Crichton's Prey.
Digress abit, but the book's cool. Not a bad read.. Medical thriller,whee. Didnt get to finish it yet though cos i felt that rest was more important with my eyes swelling.
Ok then i suspected that i'd gotten an allergic reaction to either the painkillers or antibiotics- consulted my doctor over the phone. He told me to stop the painkillers then take the antibiotics tonight, and go back for consultation again if it got worse.
Took a nap, and woke up with my eyes almost puffed shut.
I peeped (i can only peep la happy) into e mirror &almost couldnt even recognise myself.
Close your eyes and imagine me with tiny eyes and a swollen lower lip- i look like some retarded kid can.
prayed hard, took the antibiotics almost 2hrs ago. Am waiting to see if the symptoms show now.........Pray for me!
What a freaking unlucky year.

ive got a 2-day mc!
dammit, seems like ive gotta earn less $ again.
68 dollar jab on my right buttcheek left me paralysed waist down,
and i hobbled home painfully, my face looking constipated; as though i'd grown a tumour between my legs.
almost died last night in my sleep due to a cramping right side (cant sleep on my back/left side). sigh.
damn sway la, this year.
bah, humbug.
im starting to sound/feel angsty, shall stop here now and go indulge in my antibiotic pills.

beni will not attend anymore FOP in future.

wowwee.
just one post on me having a BF, and a huge fuss was created..
maybe i should do more of these stuff, then more pple will comment ah heh.
gah! does everyone really feel that i am a 'no-one-wants' person??
or perhaps. its true.........):

anyhow, i now know the real,literal definition of 'pain in the ass'.
its not funny when it affects my feet, so i can neither stand nor sit.
&this almost killed me today during the ruddy freshmen convention, filled with attitude problem-ed people who took wat, 40mins to tell the emcees who the 4 judges of Singapore Idle are???
n*buay i wished that they all had piles on their asses so that will waste less time and give the poor emcees some face cos they will be so uncomfortable in their seats &cant wait to get out of the bloody place like i did.
people were already trying to leave after the first item. wonder where's their sense of shame. Anw, quiz time!

Qn: What's red and black and trying to cover their faces?
2 embarrassed indian girls in the front row trying to leave early, and everyone clapping at their departure.
Apart from the concert band performance (they really need percussionists!) everything was...boring.
malay cutural club were racist la. spoke in malay all long, like we understand what they're trying to do can.
.
.
love thy neighbour.

waves to keshia &gwen.
haha, finally saw you eh kesh.
wed's laptop day!
Friday's last day! whee.

ahh, the beautiful strains of josh groban......

baby,you're still you.
i love you just the way you are (:

what a year this has been.
and its only mid-year..
but its MID-year already!! so fast! k nvm.

my eyes have been defiled twice within a week.
been on the verge of cussing so often, i think just by the contemplation/distortion of those words, i have sinned tons already. bah.

anyhow,
im now:

-Anti/banglahs. 'nuff said.
-Anti/oldmen. dirty ones, malay ones especially.
-Anti/PRC. China people. Those who talk damn freaking loud (dont they all) &cant play pool for nuts but still think they are so high up there. All of them la.
-Anti/C.M.I bengs. Those who swear N*-BUAY (note the underlined word) damn loudly when they miss. So often, their spastic incessant swearing makes me laugh and miscue during billiards. then my already notably high chance of losing increases dammit.

argharghargh. love thy neighbour, love thy neighbour!! (phrase goes over my head -whoosh.) love. thy. neighbour. grr.

sorry, 3days void of blogging only makes me crappier.
on a more sanguine note,
here's a little tribute.

you make me love
you make me hate
you make me elated
you make me pissed
you make me relaxed
you make me worry
you make me rise
you make me plunge

you rollercoaster, you.

that's why you're my BF. -winks. (:

'God causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called to His purpose.' Romans 8:28.

this verse, ive used quite often to encourage my friends whenever they start to wonder why things go wrong. When im down and out myself, i do think of it too. And i really thank God for His ever-encouraging words available for me, and for everyone else.
i guess its really hard to make the worst which could happen sound as if it is for the good for me-but i do know that this is definitely NOT escaping from reality or being a fool to think that everything is wonderful though its not. Committing everything possible into God's hands is something i'd failed to do recently, and i know i have suffered greatly from the consequences of it.
That night i prayed; i prayed so hard- i didnt have to pour out anything to Him cos i know that He already knows; i just apologised and thanked Him for being so faithful, being so merciful to me. On my bed, emotions rose. tears were threatening to burst out of my defiled eyes. Such a wretched person i was, yet He forgave. i know He did. He was watching from sidelines where i'd sent Him, Himself crying at my folly and my deviating from Him, waiting patiently though for me to turn back. And He welcomed me with open arms.
It felt so good that night to be back. Back- into His arms, back to that spiritual wellness ive long fell from. So wonderful. I held back my tears and begged Him to forgive me..I could feel His arms around me, and after so many months of falling, i finally stood up for once. for real. I forsook Him, but He never did. It was then, i understood the meaning of being a wretch; i understood the meaning of my salvation, and that undescribable feeling it brought. Jesus' dying on the cross had been depreciated by me- veritably an inexpiable sin, but God forgave. I knew He forgave.
Peace which had eluded me for months, returned. Im coming back, to the heart of worship, like how my best friend described it. We never do realise His love..till we fall from grace.
Thank you, Lord.

tuesday was a wonderful night out
wednesday was a wonderful rest at home.
funnily enough, yesterday was the first time in my life i didnt feel like going sentosa with the yf people.
Guess i wanted a good rest..

Went to my grandad/ma &uncle's graves.
Almost died of shock when i saw a suspiciously familiar face walking around the area, of which the grave belonged to that same person whom had just passed away not too long ago.
That person was the twin brother of the deceased la. gah.
breakfast followed, nice family bonding session i guess. been dont know how many years since we last had breakfast as a family.

my brother jioed me out for pool (again.) and i nicely let him win one set out of 8. he did almost win me for the first, but thank goodness he scratched after the black ball went in. hurhur.
Worst of all, we were short of 50cents-had to borrow from a primary sch friend who happened to be there too.
Damn paiseh la, so long never see, say hello only to borrow 50cents.
Overdosage of pool! argh. Sunday pool, tuesday billiards, wednesday pool, friday pool again. bah.
ok my colleague is back. was using her com to post....sigh. my com at home's screwed up la. ):